Monday, January 25, 2010


Somebody must have slipped me some bad bananas. I did a little math and discovered that I was off by quite a bit with my MOGmath. What did I say? 3000 holes? 800 feet of rope? Try 24,000 holes and 4000 feet of rope! I am a visual guy so I made a graphic representing that many holes and it is a mesmorizer. zoom in and count them. go ahead. Count them and I will send you a free t shirt.
I was trying other ways to get a grasp of what the hell I have gotten myself into and came across a hair transplant site that has a pretty good analogy. I wish I could somehow get the hair transplant calculator movie on here directly but I can only provide a link. Click on the calculator under the guy with the question mark on his forehead. I need a drink.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Eat Your Heart Out, Rogaine!

Although I suffer from male pattern baldness, I have never sincerely considered drilling 9/16" holes in my head until now. What a luscious, thick, silky blue forest of hair the MOGmobile is going to have. The ladies are going to line up just to run their fingers through it. I might have to hook a blow dryer up to the exhaust pipe.

Here are a couple of images of a sample I have been playing with. I made a fiberglass cast of my daughter's Bilibo and plugged it up with ultra fancy nautical nylon rope. It comes in the colors I need and it can take a beating without losing it's integrity. I plug it, then pick and fray it and suddenly, poof! I have a full thicket of luxurious hair. I am going to build out the whole rig in a fiberglass encasement, drill about 3000 holes and stuff them with about 800 feet of rope of varying lengths. I'll be drillin' like a villain for the month of February.

I have rallied a few bros to help me out

Sunday, January 17, 2010

How To Buy A Used Car

I know when I need to call in a ringer and I am lucky because I've got a few of 'em. My pal Derrick is a dozen ringers wrapped in one. Among other things, he is a champion of the little guy, and in the heinous arena of used car procurement, I am tiny. I enlisted him to accompany me, yesterday to find the van that will become the MOGmobile. After working the seedy car lots of Beaverton, Tigard and Portland, we finally scored a killer deal on a beautiful Ford 1 ton blank canvas. Take a look because it ain't gunna look like this much longer. It is off to the upholsterer tomorrow for the interior fuzzativation.

Derrick has been honing his system for a while now and when he explained it to me, I asked if I could video him. Here it is. Pay attention.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

MOGmobile Conception: Real Enough to Reveal

The MOGmobile is now in it's second trimester and I feel like I can finally tell people.

Ever since the first sonogram I have been itching to let the cat out of the bag, but if you have ever incubated such a project, you know how it is. I am excited to report that after some initial concerns, we are now looking at a very happy, healthy, fuzzy, blue baby.
If everything works out, I will be driving the real thing down to San Fran in early March. Keep your finger crossed for me and feel free to let me know what you think. I will continue to document the progress. This one is going to be special.
The rendering below is the result of a ringer I brought in from Baltimore, my very good and ultra talented pal Monsieur Ruppert. As a matter of fact, he is making the trek across this great nation to help fabricate. I secured an extremely funky fabrication facility today and purchased a bald van from which the beast shall burgeon. Things are progressing. I am looking forward to generating a bountiful bouquet of blogworthy blather to share with all of my imaginary friends. I will keep me posted.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


Before I took a few years off the end of my life renovating my bathroom, I spent my kids' college fund renovating my kitchen. All $500 of it. It caused a fraction of the headache the upstairs bathroom produced and it came out looking really sweet. We ripped the hanging cabinets down and opened the room up with shelves made from reclaimed fir from a job site my neighbor had worked on. Here is the new set up and here is how I did it. I drew this picture last night just for the halibut. There was an inquiry on Design*Sponge so I thought I would show how I made the magical floating shelves.
I built the hell out of it. There is probably a better way but this seems to work. This is a view from the back, the part you can't see:

The shelves are lag bolted onto the substrate from behind, snug in the dados and that whole assembly is screwed onto the spacer slats that are anchored to the wall.
We painted the walls over the subway tile with Yolo paint color called Leaf .03. Yolo is a local paint company with a really beautiful set of colors. I have to hand it to them, their presentation is seductive. Instead of single sprayed square samples, they lay them out in palettes on a nice 8.5X11. The application is actually brushed onto the sheet, giving the swatch a painterly feel and a lovely texture. Below is a swatch sheet I scanned. They will sell you a poster sized swatch for $5 too, which is a great aid. We have a bunch of them. I don't know if swatch is the right term for a paint color sample but you get the idea.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Nothing Like Trying To Explain A Joke

Doomed, is the joke that needs explanation. However, judging by the vote, thus far, I feel I must clarify the punch line (or in this case, the punch picture) When a Chinese artist's butt itches, he picks it, but he says it in a Chinese accent so it sounds like "Picasso". So I drew a picture that is supposed to look like a Picasso. There. Now is it offensive?

This is not necessarily the greatest timing for this particular blog entry as I was just fortunate enough to have my house featured on Design*Sponge and there will undoubtedly be a gang of new visitors who may quickly dismiss my efforts on account of this silly joke, but what are you going to do.

That being said, I would like to thank Grace and Amy at Design*Sponge for taking interested in our hovel. It is a great honor and a lot of fun for me and my family. Let not the itchy artist joke reflect it's shallowness in any way upon them, for it is I who have the nonsense of humor. Actually, while I am taking credit for this abomination, let me also release my sweet wife from any responsibility or accountability for this joke, too. She prefers good jokes.
Thank you